“A connection and disconnection within me”

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Following is a case of a psychologist, aged 60 years who came to me with the problem of

1)         OCCIPITAL INJURY

2)         VERTIGO

3)         PSORIASIS AROUND ANUS

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D:      just keep yourself in centre as if you are sitting in front of mirror and trying to understand yourself

P:      I would start from childhood. A birth trauma I had Occipital injury, nose injury, was like in a dead state of being

My mother she was physically harsh, she use to beat me with brooms and sticks. Then gradually I separated from her

As a teenager, I felt inferior and conscious. I am still shy and have feeling of inferiority. The woman I was in a relationship with had lots of lovers and she brought too much inferiority. Then I met a Union philosopher and started dating her, but developed this obsessive anxiety of being contaminated with toxins and neurotoxins. Obsessed with fear of lead poisoning.

I got involved with a wrong woman. This gave me feeling that I have done something wrong, imagine she being criminal. I am lovable but I don’t feel that the other person loves me

I wrote many small stories called “Seed of love”, “hopelessness to hopelessness, “finding of interface

GUIDED PASSIVE CASE WITNESSING PROCESS

P:      Reading, I live in world of imagination, world of ideas, I coined the world where I am alone, safe and alive. In Ireland one Latin language woman introduce me to farmer. I became friendly, but I was alone, I felt I am in this space of strange environment.

D:      can you tell me about your dreams?

P:      A frightening dream I remember, as if a huge enormous formless thing is suffocating me, pressing me, I would wake up frightened.

Another dream in elementary school I felt, as if, I have no shoes or lost shoes

D:      As a child, what imaginations you had which were weird?

P:      We were going for bird watching, I was limping in my leg, so my cousin brother didn’t want anyone to associate him with me. Felt like a leper, grossly disfigured, unclean, uncovered unclean wounds cover with sores. They all didn’t want me to be seen with them. I removed my clothes on beech and he told me how thin I was, same my wife told me I am very thin, I felt not connected with them.

GUIDED PASSIVE CASE WITNESSING PROCESS – RIGHT BRAIN METHOD STORYTELLING

D:        in 1^st story what was most imp part?

P:         feeling was, man who was gripped by anxieties, living on his own, the feeling of not able to connect is to, kill himself (with people around him) and then he cut his wrist and he realized the seed of love. He had the potential to love, and to be loved, to be connected, but he missed that.

D:         Can you tell me about the other story you told from “HOPELESSNESS TO HOPELESSNESS.”

P:         the man was having problems with his relatives, he felt totally separated from them, not connected, isolated from woman, friends, females, so he decide to visit prostitutes. It was a feeling of not connected, isolated to hopeless level therefore the name

D:        the 3^rd story of “finding of interface”?

P:         a man working on his own, isolated, feels that it is time to change start having drug experience, then he starts having LSD and alcohol since then all his friends disappear and finally he loses connection with people

Active-Active Case Witnessing Process – using Right Brain Method – Story Telling

D:        tell me the feeling of disconnection as abstract as possible, make a story of it.

P:         like someone hidden from society, his family doesn’t want him, they are ashamed of him, just like how I feel in this situation. I have to exist in spite of no connection with them

D:        make an abstract story as abstract as possible of these feelings.

P:         like a very lonely person who cannot connect with anyone, who cannot be with anyone.  A person who doesn’t exist for them. I can only have my own existence. My existence is hidden and no one can see. That is why no person is attracted to me, no beautiful woman is attracted to me. I couldn’t allow my wife to love me. I couldn’t allow my therapist to connect with me, couldn’t allow my mother to connect to me,

My whole idea of learning psychotherapy is to find that connection with everything around me and the more I did that the more I isolate and disappear into nothingness, I am not able to connect with a single person.

The whole life since childhood I have lived a life of a person who could not connect with himself, his physical being, people around him, and lived a life of a totally isolated person.

CENTRE OF THE CASE:

The feeling of being disconnected, separate, isolated, left alone in the entire world, and from the stories, the idea of having to exist without being connected with anyone, like a hidden existence is seen running throughout. The stories that he made help us to understand the centre in depth and clearly. As if a totally isolated person, a leper, disfigured, not able to make any connection with any person, brings us to the remedy Positronium.

REMEDY GIVEN - POSITRONIUM 1M

Themes of Proving

Matter

Weight

Earthy

Stony

Compression

Oppression

Oneness

Centred

Calm

Within oneself

Self-centred

Clarity

Clarity

Structure

History

Organized

Unsure

Torn apart

Foreign place

Energy

Energy

Curiosity

Restlessness

Weakness

Aggression

Aversion to exercise

Indifference

Practicality

Flat

Can't be bothered

Indifference to sex

Isolation

Decay

Threatened

Ugly

Destruction

Dirt

Death

Evil

 

Few relevant excerpts from the proving

Self-centered - No feeling of contact or closeness with my partner. No wanting physical closeness or touch. A feeling that she's in her space and I'm in mine. No difficulty with this but she has noted it.

I have been locked away within myself for most of the day. I have also become introverted in the sense that I want to get on with what I want to do and do not have any great interest in talking to other people

I seem to want to avoid contact with people. I can listen but can't seem to engage in conversation. It's as if I have nothing to say to people - when normally I love a chat and can make conversation with all these people readily. The phone is not ringing, no one has rung me and I don't feel inclined to ring anyone. I feel hard done by, neglected.

Follow ups

After 3 months The patient said he felt noticeable psychological improvement he feels less self-critical or self-loathing or self-hating. On the physical side psoriasis in anal area has improved significantly. He also has psoriasis in ankle area and calf, of the left leg which is the same. The psoriasis patches seem to wax and wane.

On asking him about the feeling of being an outsider he still has that strongly but he feels happy to be in his own universe.

The same remedy was repeated

Follow up after 6 months – his back problem improved significantly, emotionally and mentally he felt peaceful, optimistic, motivated, sometimes he said he found an absence of negative commentary running in the mind.

His Psoriasis in anal area improved a lot, psoriasis left ankle also improved,  venous insufficiency in both legs also improved

Positronium 1m- every day one dose

Follow up after 1 year – his psoriasis of leg improved completely, anal area patches wax and wane occasionally but are much better, his venous insufficiency has completely improved. On the mental level, he feels connected to his surroundings, also he has now started to communicate with his brother, talks to him often.The out of proportion reaction of being disconnected with everything has improved a lot

 

Case by Dr. Dinesh Chauhan                                                                                                                                 

Compiled and edited by Dr. Rina Dedhiya