“I Feel Isolated And Cut Off” Case By Dr. Mira Valvekar Using the CWP

This is a case of a 65 year old lady with complaints of

• Recurrent respiratory tract infections.
• Recurrent pain in her ears.
• Arthritis, severe pain in both her thumbs and lower back. (RA factor once came positive and once negative before she came to me).
• Sensitive gums
• Exhaustion, tiredness.

Passive Case Witnessing Process

D:      Talk about whatever comes up to you at this moment of time…

P:      my right mouth is paining, under my tongue, my teeth keep on getting that ulcer like things deep inside. Usually, most frequently it’s here (points in the oral cavity), gland also comes, but it does shift to this side also. My teeth being sharp it’s irritating the edge of the tongue, it affects my speech

Arthritic pains are there since 5-6 years. The joint, my knee joints especially my lower back troubles me a lot. I am a writer. I have to sit with a pen and a paper and at times I cannot handle my joint pains. My wrists pain. Both of them.  I have gum problems too. Dental problem are there, enamel and my teeth are very sensitive to cold and anything. They are just very sensitive. I think the enamel is wearing off. Bleeding and receding gums. This is also something that worries me. So, the entire this area (shows the neck level) from my shoulder to head, I always feel something is bothering me.

My sinus is another major problem. Because of my sinus a lot times I feel I don’t breathe. I am tired. I always feel tired. You can say it is one of my characteristics. I am always tired. Yet if I got to take rest, I can hardly rest as my mind never rests.

There is a problem with my ears too. When I was 4 years old, I had an anti rabies injection. Within 30 days my right ear became totally deaf. Before that I was sick for over a month. Vertigo and all that…

Travel has become very difficult. While travelling to just Mumbai, going down the Ghats, the ear gets blocked. Often it ruptures. Bleeding too. I have gone through terrible rounds of antibiotics. So before I travel I have to do 100 things to protect myself. So all this has clipped my wings off in a certain way. It has been a big problem for me. All this makes me difficult to breadth, when I don’t breadth I am tired.

I don’t know but in a way from here shoulder to head I feel cut off. My head is like disconnected from experience. In a last few years it has been happening increasingly, I feel disconnected from everything and everyone.

Disinterest as of now is also a main characteristic of me. I am not going for shopping; I may appreciate a few nice things around. Meeting friends, going to restaurants is also a no for me now days. I am either tired or disinterested. That is also how I have made myself isolated.

I am interested in them as real people. But right now I have withdrawn from everything around me. I see myself withdrawing.

I was very active with my work that time. My work has always been my life. Right from the day I have come to Pune after marriage I have been involved in childcare. That has been my life. Everything reading writing activities interactions had to do with this work. So suddenly I had to begin to disconnect a bit. Not consciously but because I have to help my daughter I went away from what I loved to do. Suddenly I had to withdraw from it. Work went on from there. My daughter would need me. So I was spending a lot of time with her in England. So this disconnected me from my work. I also felt that my children should be independent and functioning in a different way.  Withdraw from me, not hang on to me for their things all the tim

Meanwhile, my daughter who was having a tough time in marriage, baby boy was suffering, had he come in this world to be separated from mother and father?  I was there for him. But you are a grandparent at the end of the day. It was all very stressful for me. It was like a shock for me. My daughter was to be separated from her husband and the child from his parents?

D:      go on……you are doing just fine…..

P:      I feel sad and nostalgic over the past. Parents died long ago. My mother especially was a great woman. My father I had a very strong bond with him. Just by the thought that they are around I felt safe. They were breathing somewhere made me feel good.

They have been not around for 22 years now. For first 6 years after they died I was really finished. It was like I was totally cut off from nurturing. I though act grown up because of other things in life…..but within me I am still at a baby level. That adult level has never really come to me. I think I am a small child, who needs caring and nurturing.

Another thing upsets me are swimming pools. I feel very unsafe there. Have a big hydrophobia. But summers dry me up totally. I am not at all in a functioning state in Delhi summers.

Guided Passive Case Witnessing Process

D:      anything more…maybe dreams……

P:      I recollect one dream, it is about a staircase. I always seen this staircase in my dreams, and some steps of the staircase are always missing. A pathway and a sudden obstruction. I am struggling to get over that. Bridge or something I see and I cannot get across. There is a break in that staircase. And I am struggling. I cannot do much. Just wonder how I will go over. That is a helpless feeling.

Another dream is of water. Often I dream of water.

Another one is of seeing dead relatives. I am attached to all my elders. So often I see them alive and near me. Especially my father. I dream that he is alive and has come back to me. I see myself sitting close to him. On his lap. Just not ready to leave him.

D:      something about your hobbies.

P:      I write and work with children.

Childcare, adoption is my main area of interest. I write papers on this topic for years now. Emotional life of these children, I always feel I have to give them solutions for their problems. I am also writing my own book. It needs to be worked on and completed. I’m just not able to do it. I just feel tired and disinterested to complete it. These children needing care and nurturing have been my inspiration. Now even due to the pains I cannot sit to write.

I have also been writing letters to people always. For years I am doing it. All those people whom I have written to have saved my letters. They all say the letters are so good, why don’t you compile them and publish it. It is just that I feel very insecure to leave my house. I just want to be home. You give me a around the world tour paid ticket, but the thought that I have to leave home, my room, my bed I feel very insecure. It has always been this. I just feel to be nicely cocooned in my home (Gesture: patients gets both her hands close to the chest and neck goes down too). It is a nice way to disconnect from everything around me. Makes me feel very safe and secure. This I also feel has increased since children have left. First when they were around I used to go out. There wasn’t a lack of security as much. Now since they are gone away I feel the need to hold on tightly to my home. I’m very secure in my bed. Panicking all the time……that what has happened more and more since children are away. 

I have been forced to face situations in life with a lot of courage but within there has always been this non functioning small thing always trying to hold on tightly out of a lot of insecurities.

All the important points noted while in the passive case witnessing process:

• Patient is at a high level of experience.
• Patients talks at a universal level very soon in the case
• She is expressing herself well: thus will not need to ask a lot of questions. Let her be with the flow.
• The patient will need higher potencies of her medicine as high level of experience.
• We can expect a faster change in her state and chief complaints.
• May not need too many repetitions of her doses.
• From all the language she used I was sure after passive case taking that the patient would need a remedy from the mineral kingdom. I had to only wait to get the whole experience together.

Significant things noted from the patients narration……

• Area from my shoulder to head is disconnected from experience
• All this has clipped my wings off in a certain way
• I feel disconnected from everything and everyone. My head is disconnected from experience.
• This is how I have made myself isolated (gets both hand together forms a round fist).
• I see myself withdrawing.
• Withdraw from me; do not hang on to me……
• My daughter was isolated and her son had a lot of problems
• I had to begin to disconnect a bit
• Suddenly I had to withdraw from work
• The boy had to be separated from his mother and father
• Had a very close bond with my father
• One is totally cut off from nurturing.
• But these children needing care and nurturing have been my inspiration.
• I think I am at that child level…..needing a lot of nurturing, fathering……
• I feel secured cocooned in my home(HG)
• I am attached to all my elders. I see a dream where my father is alive and comes back to me. I am sitting close to him, on his lap. Not ready to leave him. Also I see a staircase; there is a break in that staircase.
• It is a nice way to disconnect from everything around me. Makes me feel very safe and secure.
• There wasn’t a lack of security as much. Now since they are gone away I feel the need to hold on tightly to my home. I’m very secure in my bed.
• Panicking all the time……that is what has happened more and more since children are away.
• Always been this non functioning small thing, always trying to hold on tightly out of a lot of insecurities.

ACTIVE CASE WITNESSING PROCESS

D:      can you talk about this disconnection that you are talking about.......

P:      yes.....it happens when I get hurt maybe, I don’t see a connection with anything......except with children. With children I feel very connected. I know what they feel. I feel the need to nurture them and protect them. Especially these young children I feel very connected with. But with everybody else and everything else I feel this strong disconnection. Yes, family members we do need each other for this or that, but mentally I feel a sort of snap off. Just a disconnection with things around me. Even when sometimes my daughters come and tell me about something I am really not there. I cannot connect with their experiences or anything; I am not able to connect with them. I feel stagnated somewhere. There is a lot of fear and anxiety in every relationship but the connect is missing.  It is kind of leave me alone with myself, I am missing the ability to react.

         (The patient by now had described very well and she was in tune with what she was describing and everything starts to connect. The hand gestures become appropriate. We now move to Active-active to understand the whole picture

 ACTIVE-ACTIVE CASE WITNESSING PROCESS

D:      can you just be with this feeling of disconnection and tell me what the experience of it deep within you.......

P:      it is like you are not there in that moment. You are like not feeling anything. I am not reacting. I am not moving. I have not got any ability to react.

D:      go on.....just these.......describe the experience deep within in as much detail as you can.....

P:      the ultimate feeling is of feeling isolated. I am isolated. From my perspective it is my own isolation. I cannot reach out to anybody at that time, feel stuck there.  Don’t think I can function and reach out to people. I don’t know where I am.

It is like you don’t know what is around. How to act react. You are not aware of the place where you are. So more you want to hold on to your house. You want to tightly hold on to it (HG: both arms across the chest). That holding on gives me some security and you feel safe.  It gives you a sense of soft bed sheet. It is like being cocooned. Again I would say like nurturing, you know like my bed? It gives me a sense of being held by somebody.

D:      go on......close your eyes like u had......and see what else you can describe about this.....look at it closely.....

P:      gives you a sense of floating in your space, comfortable, but you are protected. Its feels soft. Like my bed sheet. I don’t go anywhere without it. I’m holding on to it tightly as if it is my life. It is a state of being nurtured and comforted. Once you are nurtured well in life only later will you be capable of looking after or nurturing someone else. Then only there is some purpose of you of being in this life. But even at this age now I feel like want to be held. So I don’t think I can give my children security too much as I am still holding on for my own existence.

D:      more about all this.......this comfortable place.....floating.....holding on.....

P:      it is just like a round, cocooned (HG: makes a ball like gesture with hands). I told you I dream of people whom I was close to. So once I dreamt of my father coming back to life. He comes to me and I immediately hold both his hands and tell him come lets both of go back to the very beginning. And let’s just go to that very source of where it all started. For me that source and the beginning is very important. Just go the very root of things together, probably birth, the very beginning. That is birth. Probably being that baby. My father was my mother figure always. My mother was more into spiritual activities. So she was in a certain way disconnected with the family matters. My father was my world. Like totally dependent on him. So I feel these are like root kind of issues that I am talking about. Maybe my child issues were left incomplete. Like care and nurturing I guess needs to be complete. So that is the need to go back to the beginning.

D:      little more on that need to be nurtured and cared.....which needs to be complete.....

P:      Like my bed. The sheet on it needs to be really soft, need a pillow which gives a sense of holding on. It is kind of a very baby look. Like when in the womb (laughs) that much warmth I need to sleep.

D:      talk about the warmth in the womb.....

P:      something is there all around you. (Hg: same). All the time you are protected. You are safe. Something very soft. It is something that you can totally identify with. Something that cares of you wholly. You don’t need your identity. Because that womb is your identity. It is merged with the identity of the mother’s womb. It is that because of which you are there. At the same time when you are in it, it is giving you a lot of security. In fact everything is taken care of when you are in a cocoon or a womb. You haven’t to strive for anything. In that space it is giving you a reason to live to breathe. You can totally depend on this space.  I am a very dependant person. Life outside this space is very scary. Full of anxieties. Decisions to be taken, failing in some etc etc, it is all very scary. I try and avoid as much as possible. I am reluctant as I get very scared. Like till my parents were there I had no issues. Just everything in my life was taken care off.  But since they are gone the baby is not ready but it is forced out of its place of nurture. I feel I am still that child.....maybe an infant.......

         But it so happened that those entire mother like 2-3 people I was dependant on for nurturing suddenly left me. And I was shocked all 3 times. Took ages to recover from the shock. It wasn’t gradual. It was like cut.....and it was over. I felt like I was torn between two levels of existence.

(Here she beautifully connects everything and all becomes crystal clear)

Things important in ACTIVE-ACTIVE CASE WITNESSING:

• Here she beautifully connects everything to the womb, she describes the feeling of being in the womb, being in the womb, how it feels, and everything in the passive gets connected to this feeling of being in the protected, secured world of the womb and outside is anxiety, fear, that’s why the feeling of disconnection, isolation, and when the parents die the feeling of being forced to grow up even though not ready also connects to a beautiful picture in the end, where she speaks of being torn between 2 levels of existence…

Kingdom: MINERAL KINGDOM

Row: 2^nd row: the row where the issue is to do with separation.  Points that take us to this row

• Need to be nurtured and cared for. Total dependency.
• Not ready to leave the place of complete comfort and safety
• Sense of disconnection
• Lack of nurturing and care.
• My child issues were left incomplete. Like nurturing and caring issues need to be complete.
• Wanting to go back to the very beginning where it all started
• The womb gives u a sense of identity. It is totally merged with it.
• Sense of total isolation. Not knowing where you are. But at same time feels protected.

Column:

The patient describes the issue of separation....and she is not ready for it as yet. She is too dependent on a father figure for everything. As especially the very basic issues of nurturing and care. She feels very safe and protected. In its absence she experiences a lot of anxiety fear and wants to tightly hold on. She feels like a baby who is forced to grow and move out of a safe place (the womb) when it is still not ready.

All this points to the 1^st column

The case also points at one more issue with separation, where she experiences inability to act or react if she has to be on her own, taking care of her family and children. Feels she cannot sense much. Feels helpless. And thus avoids the situations as much as possible which makes her feel anxious and scared.

These points at second element present in the case. And for me it was the carbon element.

Thus for me the similimum that this lady needed was:
LITHIUM CARB

Remedy given: Lithium carb 1M – 3 doses

Follow ups

1^ST FOLLOW UP after 21 days

D:      how are you?

P:      I am fine. My cold is much better. I am feeling comfortable with myself. My disinterest is a bit better I guess. On my own I went for shopping with my daughter 2 days back. Had a nice day with her. Rest all good. Pain in my wrist is there. I haven’t seen much change in it. Avoiding pain killers as you told me. But the pain is there. But my respiratory complaints are 85% better.

2^nd follow up- 45 days later…

D:      tell me...how you have been.....

P:      breathing is much better. Thus I am not feeling that tired. I am enjoying my work as I have always done. You know the disconnect I was talking about. Somehow I haven’t felt it that strongly in many days.

I had that staircase dream again. I told you about a few steps not being there in the staircase that I am taking? I did not see any missing steps in my latest dream. I don’t know what does that mean. But I saw a continuous staircase. Helplessness or to think of the struggle that I may need to go on the other side was just not there. It felt good. My thumb is still hurting when I sit to write.

(In between she continued to do well. Sometimes upper respiratory tract infection. When I did repeat her doses. She gave me very regular follow ups. This definitely helped me treat her).

Follow up after 5 months of starting treatment…

P:      I had a middle ear infection few days back. I repeated my dose in water and recovered in 3 days. Did not need antibiotics for it. I am much better with my respiratory problems.  Enjoying my life with my grandchildren. I still miss my parents a lot. Or the sheer presence of a care taker in my life. But generally I am happy.

I am glad to tell you doctor, that last week I have completed my book on children adoption which was on my shelf incomplete for years. My fingers don’t hurt as much. (Her arthritis slowly started coming under control. backache was better by 70-80%. Swelling on her joints went down). I sit to write and can do so with almost 80% less pain. Thank you so much. Completing that work gave me a purpose of my being here and breathing.

Case ends